randomrabbit's Diaryland Diary
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Delete my penis will you
Extrapolating, or quite possibly interpolating, from what we�ve had so far, applying the Duckworth-Lewis method and deducting the number I first thought of, we�re going to have 74 feet of rain this month � 73 feet and 4 inches above the average. This has already resulted in a 54% increase in puddles and my trousers being the dampest since records began. Granted records only began 20 minutes ago, which is as well or I would have had to include that time in nursery school when I slipped by the sandpit banging my head and, for reasons that shall forever remain between myself and my penis, pissed myself.
I've had enough of the rain now though, thank you, partly because I got my umbrella stuck to my head this morning and partly because a significant amount of it is coming straight in to my bathroom wetting the top of the cupboard where I keep the spare toothpaste and giving the house a lovely wet carpet odour. Water pissing through large parts of your ceiling isn�t deemed enough of an emergency though for the letting agents to actually return your phone call until 2 days later. And then their maintenance chap is on holiday until next week so they�re going to get back to me when he returns. That�s just fine then. I�m sure there�s no reason to think it might rain some more in the meantime, it�s not like it�s been doing it all summer or anything. And if it does I�m sure it�ll know to stay away from all that electricy stuff, eh?
Anyway enough about rain and on to far more interesting things: Vegetables. I dug a load of potatoes from the veg patch this weekend, somewhat unexpectedly it has to be said as I didn�t plant any this year, but still I'll take them and they more than compensated for the courgettes and peas that didn�t grow and my half-arsed broad beans. I also picked a load of blackberries from the wild bit at the top of the garden and made a rather lovely pie with them and, because of nature�s flagrant disregard for the contents of my pies, unripe apples from the tree. I compensated by sticking a tonne of extra sugar in which seemed to do the trick, and with the gallon or so of cream I poured on top it made for quite the healthy pudding.
Also... I got my first egg. And promptly did what a lot of fathers probably should do with their offspring - ate it.
The girly that laid it actually made a bit of a fuss, and I like to think ran in to the nest box to show me what she�d done. She stood there alternating looks between me and the egg as if to say: �See that? That just came out my arse. I�m glad that�s over I can tell you, it bloody well stung a bit. At least I don�t have to do one of those every day or two for the rest of my life, eh? Eh? Don�t anthropomorphise me.� Actually she just said �plock� but reading between the lines� I bought a lettuce to celebrate.
Ok you don�t really need to see a half eaten egg but I�m stupidly chuffed by it. The shell was good and thick and it�s even got a nice coloured yolk for a first attempt not a wishy washy pale one, which I�m putting down to their good treat diet of vegetable peelings, wheat, spaghetti, porridge and, on special occasions, Marmite on toast. Oh and slugs or course. They can�t get enough of those slimy little buggers, which I think works out quite well � the slugs eat my vegies, the chickens eat the slugs and I eat their eggs, so in a roundabout sort of way getting my vegetables back. Kind of.
2:31 p.m. - 2008-09-09
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