randomrabbit's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Greetings fellow yompers I�ve been a very naughty Diarylander! It�s been over 2 weeks. If anyone feels the need to put me across their knee and spank my pasty white bottom I will Not that I�ve been doing loads of stuff, but then that�s never stopped me updating before. So what have I done? Well, I�ve learnt women aren�t portly, but stout. Apparently. Erm, I went to Whitby for 3 days with my mum and dad and 2 eldest nephews. And last Sunday I did the Sheffield round walk with the boys. All 14 bastard miles of the motherfucker. Actually 15 if you count Mark�s �detour� and by detour I of course mean getting us lost round Nether Edge. I had to take the map away and tell him he wasn�t allowed to use it again because shouting �hang on we should have turned up there� is a little annoying after the third time. Twas fun though. My stomach hurt from laughing as much as my feet ached from walking because my friends are all idiots. The talking bollocks and bickering did cease for a short time when we all simultaneously trailed off to stare at the basset hound with the biggest cock and balls I�ve ever seen. It was like a bicycle pump attached to a couple of space hoppers. Good times. My computer is fucked. I�m going to pay PC World fifty quid on Sunday to tell me why. I was tagged about 17 million years ago by the delicious* bobbiedylan to give 6 weird things about myself. It�s taken me this long to narrow it down. *Of course I don�t know she�s delicious, I can only surmise that, but I do like to allocate tastes and smells to people, you could say it�s one of my weird things, and hers just happens to be strawberries and cream � yum! I actually have a smell allocated to each and every one of you. Someone is a 4-day-old haddock, but it would be rude if not a little indiscreet of me to say who. If you�re curious as to what yours is, just leave me a note along the lines of: What�s my smell? And I�ll note you back. Discreetly in the case of one of you. So yes 6 weird things. I have many, but oddly am finding it hard to think of them. 1. I�m pretty much bald. Okay, not especially weird, it�s not like I have to touch my nipple 3 times before I walk through a door or something, but you probably didn�t know it and I had an urge to share. 2. I crave company but am frequently uncomfortable in it. 3. More a slightly weird thing I�ve done � we�re having our reception re-done at work and the customers will have to sit upstairs near my office and close to the toilets. I�ve practiced an escape route from the toilets through and right round the back of the warehouse, round in to the outer office, up the corridor and back to my office in order to avoid a smelly poo walk of shame past the customers, should that situation arise! 4. My penis points north. In my teens I had access to a conveniently sized electromagnet, and decided to combine a couple of my interests at the time � physics and experimental masturbation by turning on the magnet and dry humping it. Tingly would be the answer to what you�re thinking. It�s pointed north ever since. I still get lost constantly. 5. Silly little things can make me incredibly happy � the girl I see some mornings who wears jaunty orange or purple or stripy socks with sandals, people absently humming, fun food like gingerbread men or Monster Munch or making quiche and doing a face on top with tomatoes. Shut up. 6. I hang my underwear on the back of the washing line behind other clothes so no one can see it! 7. I can have piles of dirty washing on the floor and piles of clean washing and my desk 6 inches high with crap, but DVDs on my shelf have to be perfectly straight and if possible pulled flush to the front of the shelf and books have to be in strict size order. It bothers me if they're not. A lot. Not especially weird I know. There are worse which I shan�t share as I�d hate you to think less of me! One of them isn�t strictly true. �1* to a charity of your choice if you can guess which. *Actual donation - �0.78 plus �0.22 tax reclaimed under Gift Aid! 11:22 p.m. - 2007-06-08 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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