randomrabbit's Diaryland Diary
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Transatlantic panty wrecker
I had a good long piss in my compost bin Sunday night, which my dad assures me speeds up the process (composting not pissing). He also says doing it round the edge of the garden is good for keeping out foxes but I�m beginning to wonder now with all this piss-based advice if he�s got some sort of bet going with my mum as to the number of things he can get me to do it on.
Trying to be inconspicuous whilst illuminated by your head torch, knee deep in brambles pissing in to a four foot high bin isn�t all that conducive to accuracy it has to be said, as my trousers and neighbour�s shed door I�ve no doubt will testify. Far too cold for such doings last night though unless I wanted to not see my penis until the spring.
I may as well get all the piss stuff out the way now I�ve started, that way we can all get on happy in the knowledge we�ll be piss free. So if you happen to be at a cash machine in the rain, don�t do what I did and take your umbrella down and stick it temporarily between your legs while you sort yourself out, otherwise you�ll have to walk round town looking like you�ve had a lady�s piss and feeling like a right tit. Tip.
/piss
Bit of a strange combination of ticket purchases I�ve just made - Iolanthe at a church hall in Dronfield and P J Harvey & John Parish in Birmingham. I bought 2 tickets for the P J Harvey thing which might have been a mistake. I thought I�d probably be able to force someone to go with me but actually it�s a bigger trek to Brum than what I thought and no chuff I know even slightly likes her, so I�ll probably end up a Billy No Mates and go by myself. Should have thought that one through before I bought the extra ticket. Meh.
I can�t believe it�s been so long since I updated. That said apart from a truly enormous post-Christmas turd we never thought we�d see the back of after trying to nudge it round the bend with the bog brush and going at it with an unfurled coat hanger both failed to dislodge it, there�s really not been much of note. Work�s been stupidly busy what with the year end and various other crappery and the last few days or so I�ve had tonsillitis which got me a bit like flu with painful bollocks, headache, sweating like a rapist and the like, but instead of snot I have 2 large spotty things down my throat. My mum bought me some of that manuka honey stuff that costs about the same as crack and valued the slice of toast I had for breakfast this morning at about a fiver. Her logic being that my throat hurts, you eat that thus passing by my tonsils, it�s antibacterial or something, therefore it�s bound to cure me. Hmm. I�ll try the penicillin ta.
All motorist are idiots. I decided that last night in the snow after watching them block each other in, cut each other up, going up hills they have no business even attempting and generally being a bunch of stupid, selfish fucking cocks.
Still not as bad as cyclists. Specifically the one who passes me in a morning with his �The Zero Emissions Option� bright yellow bib on. No shit you�re on a fucking bike. There are easier ways of telling me you�re a twat, twat. �Twat� for example on your bib. Plus it�s a lie because it doesn�t take in to account the emissions from the car I�m going to buy just so I can knock you off you smug shit.
4:32 p.m. - 2009-02-03
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