randomrabbit's Diaryland Diary
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A friend with cheese is better
Piss Flaps lives. Hoorah.
There�s been an odd smell round where I sit for about a week or so and I wish I could say for certain that it didn�t emanate from me. No clue what it is though and I need something to blame so I need to lay my hands on a baby sharpish and make it throw up as we�ve got the auditor in and I�m not sure her thinking it�s me that smells like sick gives off the best impression. I keep leaping up to tackle her queries in the doorway so she doesn�t get too far in and smell it, but she�s starting to look at me a bit suspiciously now every time I do that.
Working with all chaps, it was quite nice having a pretty lass in for, ooh, about 9 seconds, when she handed me the 97th pink fucking Post-it note with the stuff I need to do/fetch/print/suck for her and then told me she was going to get annoying soon. Awww no, you�re already annoying.
This time of year�s a bit of a wanker. Partly my own doing it has to be said, because all the crappy year-end jobs I could keep on top of throughout the year I don�t because I delude myself that I�ll have left long before they�re due to be done so it will be someone else�s problem, but I�m a twat and I haven�t so it�s mine so I get my annual self-induced January kick up the bollocks. I�ve been getting in nearly on time every day, which I think shows my level of commitment.
Apart from the busyness it�s not actually been too bad, thanks mainly to sacking half of our branch managers cos they�re all thieving shits, which has brightened my day on more than one occasion. My favourite was the chap who was letting some of those peoples who nick that copper wire from railway signals and stops the trains running use one of our workshops to cut it up/melt it down/whateverthefuck they do to it. And then we found 1 or 2 items of his stock missing. And by 1 or 2 I mean most of it. We promoted a chap on the Friday to replace him and sacked him on the Monday for some similarly pikey-like behaviour he did the day after he was promoted. Tit. He cried. Bless. Another one was pretty much running his own business from ours. It�s probably that I�m a sanctimonious little shit and like to pretend I�m a better person than that, but it does surprise me, in a lowers your faith in humanity kind of way, if people think they can get away with it how easily they turn to thievery. I take the odd pen, note-pad, printer from the stationery cupboard but that�s what it�s there for so doesn't really count.
I wish I�d done something exciting to write about, but truth is the highlight of January was this massive naan. I got Kev to look furtive behind it to give you an idea of scale.
Shortly after that it all sort of flopped forward and looked not unlike a fanny. Which, being the mature chap I am, I didn�t find amusing at all. Naan flaps are no laughing matter. No.
I did devise a theory at the Indian re who�s from where but it might need a little more work. The restaurant was half-way between Rotherham and Sheffield and, unlike Chesterfield where the extra finger is a giveaway, it�s hard to tell just by looking where people are from. My theory is that all the fat, gobby women are from Rotherham. I don�t know, but I just assume Sheffield people to be a little classier than to announce to half a restaurant that you�re going for a piss, and offer an open invitation for someone to join you. If she�d been from Barnsley she�d have just hoiked up her skirt and pissed in a plant pot I imagine. Possibly. Like I say - might need a little tweaking.
I went to see Chubby Brown a week or so ago. That was fun. Sorry, did I say fun? I meant shit. I always say it�s fine to be a racist so long as you�re funny. Otherwise you�re Jim Davidson. But actually parts of it were a little uncomfortable. And never were a bigger bunch of cunts assembled in one place getting excited at rants he didn�t even try to dress up as humour. Meh. Not sure what I expected. That probably.
Okey dokey. Bed.
10:55 p.m. - 2008-02-05
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