randomrabbit's Diaryland Diary
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What price a good wank?
Having never sampled my own or anyone else�s, the former for logistical reasons, the latter because I can�t think how I�d broach the subject with Kevin, I can only assume then that the tasting of a scrotum would be an experience something akin to licking a Ritz Cracker.
Not that I�d ever watch Fame Academy or anything you understand (Okay, damn you, I�ve watched them all. Happy now?), but isn�t Tricia Penrose a bit of a ringer? I�m sure she�s had a (undoubtedly awful) single or two.
I�m not going to be homeless! Result. I got somewhere to live. In fact I got two. The apartment (flat? Is there a difference? Apartment just sounds a bit more poncey for the poncey buggers who buy them. I had a look at quite a few of them both to rent and buy, just out of curiosity. To buy they seem to be about the �140k mark and they�re usually described as �luxury� apartments or some other similar falsery. Luxury is foie gras coming out your taps, and Tara Palmer-Tomkinson squirming on a rug made from giant panda labia whilst simultaneously reading erotic literature to you as you soap up Claudia Winkleman's tits in the bath. Not a pokey living room, beige carpets, a beech kitchen with oddly shaped metal handles on the cupboards, and your apartment being identical in every way to those of the 140 other chuffs in the building who bought one. Short-term you�d be okay, but I think if you lived in one too long you�d find your soul had been slowly leeched out of you while you slept. My, am I still atwixt parentheses?) in the shitty area, which we took but then Steve pointed out that we didn�t look very tough and that we�d be kicked in by a group of 15 year old girls in the first week. Not really fancying that very much, especially since I couldn�t decide if I was scared or aroused by the prospect, I got us somewhere else, which is actually really rather fucking nice. I had to kill Lily since they don�t accept cats, but it was worth it for the view. And it�s a proper house and stuff. We kept the crap place as a backstop just in case, but then because I like to avoid awkwardness and conflict wherever possible I didn�t tell them we weren�t having it until yesterday, which obviously caused more awkwardness and conflict than would have otherwise been the case since they thought we were moving in on Monday.
The only problem now is fighting it out with Chris who gets the best room with the decent view. Essentially this one wot I took last week walking to work but with a shitload of houses obscuring much of it!:
Sheffield�s prettier than where you live.
I figure I should get it because I did all the viewings and arranged everything, whereas he thinks he should have it because he�s a lazy cock and without getting off his fat lazy arse he�ll have managed to get a decent house that isn�t at Manor or an apartment and nabbed the best room, which would be just marvelous thank you very much. He said to be fair we can toss for it. How�s sod the fuck off sound? If we�re going for some arbitrary method of allocation then we�ll fight it out like men damn it, albeit slightly greasy prancing about men, in a West Side Storyesque knife fight.
I do hope nothing gets in the way of my plan to get incredibly drunk this weekend.
4:37 p.m. - 2007-03-14
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