randomrabbit's Diaryland Diary
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
How hard can it be to find 15 people who want to eat a sheep?
I went for my optician�s appointment a week early this morning. Rather than sit and wait though I thought I might just pop back a bit nearer the time. I did feel a bit silly and it reminded me of the time I accidentally started back at university in August instead of September and when my mum went 2 weeks early for a barium enema. Still they did it for her and seemed to appreciate her enthusiasm.
Speaking of the mother. And the father for that matter. I went with the old dears to see HMS Pinafore last night at a fusty smelling church hall with the scent of extra strong mints and Ralgex occasionally wafting past on the draft (draught?). And when I say went with them I mean I forced them to go under pain of putting them in to the cheapest old people�s home I can find and not talking them through removing whatever it is they happen to have accidentally brought up on the TV screen by pressing the wrong button on the remote control. None of my so-called friends would go with me, Kev saying he wasn�t sure what exactly it would entail. Eh? Whatever. Best six quid I ever spent. Wonderful it was and unlike the woman behind I managed to mostly resist singing along.
Since I didn�t manage to muster up any sort of enthusiasm to remark on the old new diaryland I thought I�d weigh in with my oar of indifference and comment on the new new one. I think the new one is better because, errr, it�s the same colour as the computery system thing we use at work so to someone in authority passing it could look like I might possibly be working, so that�s good. It needs something though. Perhaps a tad more yellow? And, oh I don�t know, I�m just throwing this out there: a gay looking cat? You don�t get to play burn diaryland on to you retinas by staring at the black screen for about a minute then turning away and blinking anymore though, which is a shame.
Chris is of the opinion that any socks of his I find in the washing machine or dryer or his sock draw I shouldn�t be turning in to sock puppets and leaving crawling along the landing to his bedroom with a note in their mouth. I�m of the opinion I should be sharing a house with someone who appreciates that sacrificing the odd sock or 5 is a small price to pay for the many many joys to be had from living with a total tit.
It�s actually coming up to our first year anniversary of living together, which sounds gay and is, I promise you, immensely depressing. I can recommend living with them if you want to slowly start to dislike one of your best mates.
It took just under a year but after plucking up courage for months I finally broke my bath duck at the house. I have a bit of a phobia of putting my arse where someone else has but I bought a new bath mat especially for the occasion, put new batteries in my fish radio and arse warts bebuggered it was lovely. I�ve missed long, make everything as wrinkly as your scrotum, baths. My, I really am turning in to a lass.
When you don�t update for ages entries do seem to become a series of unrelated news gobs. Ah well. Some shitty pics of things I�ve recently been up:
This was Stannage Edge on Sunday where I went for a longer than expected walk with Mark. Long because just before he came up he�d said to the wife �you�re just pregnant not sick� when she was nagging him to do something and he was trying to get across that she was more than capable of doing it herself and that we chaps are wise to the let's make out pregnancy is a bit tricky lie. He thought it best to avoid home after that, pretty much indefinitely, so we just kept plodding about different places. And then plodded a bit more. She�s a beefy old girl so a wise move I think as she'd have flattened both of us were we in range. I�m no expert on women and that, and put my foot in it with someone almost daily, but even I�d know to phrase that one a gnat�s more gently. I would have liked to have seen her face after he said it, which is exactly the opposite of what I normally try and do, just because I wouldn�t have thought her lips could pucker in any more without her face collapsing in on itself to form some sort of black hole of indignation and sucking us all in to oblivion. The universe started with a big bang and will end being sucked in to Donna�s face.
The pics as well as being shit are a little blurry also thanks to Sony Ericsson�s clever idea to put the camera below glass so you have to spit on it and wipe it clean before you can take a picture so if you�re not taking it through greasy finger marks you�re taking it through smears of spit.
From Curbar Edge. Ish. And off which I once saw a sheep commit suicide and my dad wants tossing off. I�d like my ashes to be sprinkled down Fern Britton�s cleavage I think before being gently brushed off by Aggie MacKenzie while she mutters something about me being a very dirty boy. Actually that�s starting to turn me on.
Not strictly up, more aside Ladybower, which was a 7 hour trudge with inadequate toilet facilities on what�s a bare minimum 3 piss walk. It�s not that there�s a shortage of things to wee against � trees, little nooks, sheep. I�m unsure if you�re legally allowed to piss in a reservoir. It�s just there are too many people there. It�s ok for you girls, you can just pretend you�re looking at a mushroom or something, but we have machinery to extract and operate and once you start it�s not always as straightforward as it sounds to stop when a family with 2 small children cycle past. You just slowly rotate further round the tree trying to keep from view.
One of my favourite views on the way down Kinder Scout after we went up the �fun� way, which wasn't fun at all and was in fact a little bit scary. It did enable me to develop the profanity engine - a means of self-propulsion through a highly focussed beam of venom and anger targeted at the warty chuff who thought it would be a good idea to go that way.
When you used to write stories and stuff at junior school I always remember the teacher banging on about needing a beginning, a middle and an end. Looking at this I have 5 beginnings, no discernible middle and the sooner an end comes along the better for all of us. I�ve just noticed also that I have a very odd relationship with the paragraph.
Good night x
12:31 a.m. - 2008-03-14
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------